Sunday, March 4, 2012

Sterling Mei: (21) Deja-pu!

Happy in her New Attire... whew!
Baby Bjorn baby carrier by Regal Lager, Inc is in my opinion the absolute best baby product that I have ever utilized. It carries the baby facing forward, securely strapped to my chest, and is very simple to operate. I have carried infants and toddlers in it on 3 separate continents, over terrain ranging from world-class cities to mountain trails. With the Bjorn we have navigated: trains, planes, automobiles, boats, subways, minibuses, and taxi-cabs galore.

I have only a single complaint. It should come with a warning. The secure design of the carrier requires the weight of the infant to be fully supported on the infant's bottom side, between the legs. While this is a perfect method for stabilization and baby tranquility… it unfortunately makes no allowance for the evacuation of the infant's bowels.

I have read the words of Newton & Einstein in the past where they discussed in the context of their laws & theories, the path of least resistance. I suggest to Regal Lager, Inc that they consider this concept should they ever attempt a re-design of their product. Typically, a diaper is made to safely and securely house the specific contents of their design with success. However, when a diaper is used with a Bjorn carrier, the path of least resistance theory dictates that the evacuating substances must move upward and outward. I hope you get the picture.

Yes, this is my second experience with this. Having endured this event a time prior, (with our initial international adoption) with a sense of terror I recognized the sudden stiffening of the infant, followed by the muscular exertion of force through the core of her body, followed by the unmistakable "whoosh" sound that that I felt as much as heard.

Now, by my extensive experience with this, I can tell you that the Bjorn-diaper combination can withstand a singular "whoosh." And so, for a moment… although I knew we needed a quick change, I falsely believed that I was safe. Surely, the experience of the past would not repeat itself. I mean, seriously… what are the chances?

Um… pretty good.

We were standing in a very small, very crowded traditional textile gift shop. This was the first chance in our travels that we have had to purchase souvenirs. While always an important part of any travel, this event takes on significant meaning when adopting a child in a far, far-away country. In some small way, you can take back a part of the culture that your child was born into. This provides significant meaning as you walk through the sorting-out that naturally occurs, as your daughter grows older. It helps ease some of the tough questions of "why" and "how".

And so, it was in this setting that I cringed as I detected the second, and more powerful "WHOOSH." Oh yes… this was the big one. If I were San Francisco… we just fell into the ocean.

I hesitate to tell this story, partly because it is just too crass, and mostly because my family will enjoy it far too much. I will have to endure references to this story, and the original poo-explosion story of Aleksandra for the remainder of my days. And, I know that since I have put it into writing, well… these stories are likely to last even longer than I will. However… for the authenticity of the moment, the integrity of my writing, and well… simply because I like to tell a good story, I tell you anyway.

We are the experienced parents on this trip. The other parents look to us, and ask us advice on how to handle situations, what to buy, what to pack, what to feed, and we hear about their irrational fears and neurotic worries. And so… today we helped them all feel a little better about their own inadequacies as we found ourselves utterly unprepared, although (like I said) we knew better. We had no change of clothes, and were nearly out of baby wipes.

For redemption's sake though, we also showed them how the pro's handle a crisis. I grabbed Kellie and we made our hasty exit from the shop, telling the owner to please hold our purchases, we will soon return. We find a bench, strip Sterling naked, discard the ruined pants, bag the slightly messed up shirt, separate all clothes that survived the poo-ing (socks, shoes, coat), wipe her down from head to toe with the 3 wipes we had left, wrap her in Kellie's sweater, and then race back to the shop.

While in there before, I had noticed three packages of baby wipes on a shelf over the door. I sent Kellie in to buy one of those, and get any type of clothing she could find, who cares what it costs… just get us some clothes! To my amazement she came back within a couple of minutes with the wipes and an all silk, traditional Chinese outfit, color blue (the first she could find). Within 5 minutes of the poo assault, we were clean and fully functioning.

I have already been fully coated with drool (she is cutting multiple teeth) on my hands, arms, all clothing surfaces, and somehow even my face… every moment of every day. So now, we simply add another substance. Thank God for soap and disinfectant. The carrier will get a good clean, and we will strike out again because: poo isn't enough to keep us down, and hey… it always makes for a good story.

But I can promise you this…we will not get caught without a full supply of wipes and a change of clothes EVER again.

Poo happens… and, as Kel pointed out, Sterling was wearing her, "I belong to Daddy" shirt. Go figure!

(Find our original "Poo Story" here: Aleksandra Elise: (11) Are We There Yet?"

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