Wednesday, May 4, 2011

The Darkness of a Soul

The sky rolls heavy tonight
My mind is pulsed by pull of the moon.
I am choked by the rain as it presses down on the clouds.

Time as I wait forces dead air against my mouth
My soul is heavy tonight.

Eternity watches closely and mocks.
My sanity knows the pursuit of the darkness.
I taste the fear as it grits in my teeth.

Wings beat foul and un-ending against my brow.
Death watches closely tonight.

Hope seems a cruel dream, as empty as fear.
My heart cries as its flame burns cold.
I hear my voice die in the void.

My existance bleeds down my face.
Life seems a cruel crimson dream.

Reflections dance like ghosts
My promise runs from preachers and saints.
I know they're disappointed as I hide in shame.

I suffocate as I fall into the abyss.
Demons dance in the storm tonight.

My eyes are closed as the darkness snuffs out the light.

-Midnight: April 15, 2006

I sort out my thoughts with writing...a pen in my hand and a tablet in the darkness.  The words I write in these postings are taken from those journals. Typically I am shocked when I read them, they are consciousness escaping my mind as it reconciles reality in the night. I write furiously, and then it is forgotten. 

Most of my writing is positive and reflective of a spirit that can not accept fear... but at times, as you read above, I have yielded to dark thoughts and been enveloped by my weakness.   

We are none of us as strong, nor as weak as we think we are.

And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not. 
John 1:5, KJV 

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