Friday, January 20, 2012

GUATEMALA 2012: (1) An Open Letter To God

Pacaya as viewed from the Team House at C.R.I.
You know me and you seek to show me who I am. Patience is a difficult lesson, and faith a constant exertion. Pain can be real, but rather than wallow in pity I can appreciate and be mindful of where I am. I am being pursued by the God who knows me.

I am blown away by the forward sight you have burned into my mind. Your provision, exactly what we need, right when we need it... both strengthens my resolve and tests my belief. As I learn to Philippians 4 my life (...make your requests known to God with thanksgiving...and the peace of God will guard your heart) I see that all that I need is all that you are. I just need to believe and step forward.

Even though coincidence happens often, I continue to be startled to near pants changing shock each time you take pieces of my past and collide them with moments in the present. This rapid convergence of my previously random life takes my typical stoic face on life and streaks it with tears. I am so thankful to be in this place where you can allow me to look back and see the steps that felt so meaningless... and how they were perfectly necessary to move me here.

How is it that so many serendipitous alignments of people are falling into place? How can it be that chance meetings and random choices have captured so many for this moment? An adoption that was to take 3 years, has required nearly 6 years of our lives... and lands us in this moment, right where we need to be. Jobs missed and promotions denied, chances taken, risks measured and spent... forgiveness and grace accepted... hearts broken.  We move like the line of a sundial to be the light for this time. This is no mistake.

There is no other possible action for us except to exist as the beings you have created. You know us and you have shown us who we are. For us, there simply is no other possibility. You have called us. You have chosen us. For us to refuse would be to condemn our souls and die. This is our life. Nothing compares.

Pacaya, on our climb towards the summit
People say they never hear your voice. I used to be one of them. I remember the day that changed. You delivered the same sentence to me... word for word... from 4 different people, all within the same day. It was my third trip to Guatemala. After arriving at Mimi's house I spoke with Sam Glenn and he stopped me still in my tracks with words that took my breath. Later that evening, my uncle Stephen Mathis (standing beside the same bunk that Sam had stood by when he spoke the words) surprised me when he repeated the message. And then, while sitting next to Kayci Roh at Pizza Hut in San Cristobal, Guatemala, Edgar Ramos leaned across the table and scared me breathless as he repeated it yet again. By this time, I was officially freaked. I remember feeling my chest constrict as I began to nearly shake. And finally, as the day was closing I sat beside a small chiminea on the porch of Mimi's House as the moon reflected in the night sky over volcano Pacaya... and as he drew in air and fixed me in his eyes, I knew the words as they echoed in my memory 3x over as Fontaine said, "Chad, if there is anything else that believe you can do, then you should go do it. But, if you feel that God has called you to be a missionary, then come." I heard Your Voice and it sounded like the voice of 4 men. The barriers of time and proximity had no hold on it.

And so... we come.

Even so, still I must take steps that require blind movement. The vision you have given me of a home with green grass and high walls that secures the lives of children you hold in your hands as we find them forever families. I know how it will be. And between me and that day I am aware that mountains stand:
  • Our house must be sold... for less than we paid, and within 6 months. 
  • Two cars must be paid off... one within 6 months, another within 12.
  • Our adoption must be completed and paid. $14k to go!
  • Consumer debts must be paid off.
  • Annual support must be secured from friends, relatives, and churches.
  • A SUV or club cab all wheel drive vehicle must be obtained by donation.
We are dwarfed by these mountains...and yet by faith we know You can move them. We have seen you do more in the way you healed our souls. We have felt greater things in the way you hold our chaos and converge reality. We have heard your voice quiet the noise. And so, we claim these obstacles as gone.

You will make a way where there seems to be no way. You have given this vision to us, and you have made our path straight. You have given us the love and support of Journey Church, our family, and the newest hands and prayers that lift us up, Breiel Boulevard Church. We are amazed and grateful.

This year we begin making our move by introducing our children to the people of Guatemala, by faith we will make new footprints in the Mayan clay as we find the face of God in the faces of children. I look so forward to introducing Caleb to Kevin... and then taking him into Cerro Alto to meet Eveluna, Jason, Marvin, and Ruth & Enoch... and to see the faith of these great people.

Summer 2013. We hear your call. We say to these mountains, you must be moved.

Guard our hearts.  Amen.

<<Pacaya... looking at the active bowl.>>
Click to learn more... 6k feet above sea level!

1 comment:

  1. Love this Chad you guys are in our prayers and I'm so excited to see what the Lord is going to do .I know this is your passion and we know all the details will be worked out according to his plan and in his timing!! Would love to make the journey with my family to see all the wonderful things you and Kellie will be doing. God Bless you and your precious family!!!