Tuesday, July 12, 2011

CHINCOTEAGUE: Wind, Mosquitos, and Blue Crabs.

The pull of the moon brings in the sound of the tide that pulses in the distance. I can see the ripples of the water in the nearby canal in the reflections of its light. The wind kisses my skin, calming the heat that is residual in red from the light of day. An occasional mosquito tweaks my ear.

I am wrapped in the shadow of the moon and held by the warmth of the salty wind. I feel the truth of the wooden deck beneath my bare feet. I can feel the deep history of the forest in the texture of the grain. The only sounds at this hour are the voices of the earth. The wind and the tide call to and fro, back and forth in a sort of symphony that is larger than me.

My family is sleeping inside, and my soul has achieved a moment of calm. We are held in a week of respite. This is vacation. A time for my mind to grasp the happenings of the temporal surroundings.  A brief moment of refection to test how much my awareness can capture.

In the harbor below, a mesh pot with bait awaits the coming of Blue Crabs who will be my dinner tomorrow. I can imagine their climb into the chamber and imagine that the sounds of the water carry the click click tap of their scurry.

Questions loom on the horizon. Choices of the day that will change the course of a life. I see my children who seem so much older than I remember them. I resist this notion that "time flies" and yet, I feel the fear of its truth. I want my children to experience life and grow up, and yet... I am so desperate to cling to their innocence.

I remember when life was so simple for me.

I must confess, I do like it better now... and yet, there are times that I long for the days of innocence.

But for now... this is a moment of quiet voices on the wind. Soon we will travel to Guatemala to have our lives touched by those whom we work alongside. And, soon... we will travel to China to adopt the baby who will again change our lives with her love. And soon... I await to see what path my career will bring to me as I sort it through the lens of our overall goals.

I also see the lives of those in Guatemala and my soul pulls me to them. I find great truth and feelings of (no word for this so I will make my own) "right-ness" for the sweat, time, and effort that we spent investing with them.

We pray. Yes, we pray a great deal. We want this life to be worthwhile. It is too valuable to spend any other way. We all bleed. We all hurt. We all laugh. We all dream. We are not all so different at the end of the day.

The moonlight shines down on us all. In the quiet of the night we are wrapped in the coverings of our lives. I am not ashamed to yield my life to the one who I believe holds me in his hand. There is nothing that I can risk that can equal the good of the one to whom I cling.

My own personal sacrifice, is nothing. I am a being who often exists between the corporal nature of my own nature and the spiritual longing of my soul.

And here, in the moonlight... I am aware of my entire self.

I am thankful for this time of reflection, and I am simply enraptured by the sound of the wind chasing the tide. We have committed to this life, and I expect to live extraordinary things.

In the words of Steven Curtis Chapman..."there is more to this life than living and dying. More than just trying to make it through the day. More than these eyes alone can see. And there's more, than this life alone can be."

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