Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Aleksandra Elise: (2) What is Love, Without Risk?

The travel date is set.  We wrestle with the separation of leaving our 3 year old son for the next 10 nights, and occupy our time with masses of paperwork.  Russian Visas, photocopies of our U.S. Passports, travel insurance, dossier in triplicate, our fresh from the attorney Last Will & Testament, Powers of Attorney to both sets of our parents so that they can care for our son in case of medical emergency, reservations, and of course our plane tickets--coming and going.

We are in a state of heightened awareness.  Time has slowed as cliche' meets our reality.  We see our life in review.  We see the fear of what may come.  We also see the promise that we cling to with our nails.  I contemplate the state of my soul.  I weigh what is important in my life.  I pen the words...
"We have paid a great price because we love her and have made her our own. Not for anything she has done, but simply because we love her and want to be with her."
I scrutinize my own faith... my belief that I am a child of God, not for what I have done, but simply because he loved me enough to call me his own.  I was once abandoned and hopeless.  And now I am called his child. Our faith has helped us realize this miracle. It is now a deep truth for us that we experience and must pass on. Our faith and experience compel us.

Adoption is at the core of our faith. I pour myself over scripture: Ephesians 1:5-6, Romans 8:15-39, John 14:18, James 1:27. I find confirmation here of where I have been, who I am, and where I need to go. Again, my hand finds a pen and commits...
"Our affairs are in order. Gut check time. I suppose it could be so with any day, but this one day is a moment of heightened awareness. I do not view this day with earthen eyes. Fear has given way to hope. We embrace this striving to go forward. Our gut checks out just fine."
March 25th, 2004. We load up our son, who represents everything we have in life to this point, hug him close and long and so tight.  We fight back the pressure of our tears as he laughs and smiles in the arms of his grandparents as we walk away.  We gather our suitcases, the money we have somehow begged, borrowed, and scratched together... and we step on that Aeroflot plane, nervously stow our bags, tighten our belts, and lift off to chase our hearts.

March 25th, 2004 12:15 A.M. A final entry before we depart.
"My emotions run heavy tonight as I realize that we are only worthy of all we have when we are willing to risk it all and lose everything in order to reach out to help another. We have laid it all on the line with faith, hope, love, and a prayer. My heart aches with our present blessings--and I pray that it aches because it overflows and I am meant to let it spill out onto another... may it be that our children understand our motivation. We believe this cause worthy of risking everything.  We offer all that we have obtained, for that which we hope to attain."
 To continue, click the link below:

Aleksandra Elise: (3) Wooden Doors & Wings

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