The final night of my last stay on the grounds of the property of Catalyst. The active top of Pacaya was made known by the soft red glow against the clouds. The lights of the city both below and above blended into the haze of the evening cooling. I sat barefoot in defiance of the evening chill and dangled my feet over the concrete edge of the unfinished second floor. This Team House had risen against all odds over the past year. Concrete had been mixed shovel by shovel... and block had been set a single piece at a time. All only building as money allowed. And yet... the building has never stopped.
The wind chilled me as I looked across the sidewalk at Mimi's House... and I understood that it was a testament of the vision held by those who were willing to stare fear in the face, and move forward in the embrace of true belief. This was a place build on faith. A man, a woman, a family... had risked it all to take a chance.
And then I realized... we have nothing to risk. We toil away for 30+ years to acquire things... simple things that rust and degrade. We build up monies to allow us to be slothful in old age... and we barter away the chance to stare fear in the face. We trade for comfort and security the experience of our faith.
I do not want to miss the promise of this life in the present due to the fear of securing comfort in a terrestrial future. I do not want to build up these treasures here. Not when my own actions today could change the life of so many that I embrace.
I had spent my third week on the mountainsides. I had allowed my life to merge with lives who could show me so much. I saw belief... a reliance of faith that was made manifest by the needs of the day. I realized that my own comfort and security had robbed me of this reliance on God. And I lamented that this sense of security was nothing more than a mask pulled too far that obscured my sight.
The desire of my soul can not be achieved with the labor of my hands and mind alone. I reflected on my professional path over the past 16 years since college... and I felt deeply what I have always known and raged against... that I am not satisfied. There is no reward in this day to day for a paycheck. My faith told me that there could be more. My faith promised me that mountains could be moved and that God could use anyone who yielded to him.
Here I sat on the edge of this concrete, feet dangling into the darkness... the sky so much greater than my accomplishments. My mind shifted to my children... their look from pillows and blanket at night unblinking as I tucked them in. My heart felt then the truth and faithfulness of my wife, the legacy of my family... the great stories of faith of the testaments.
I reflected briefly on the doubt of Thomas, the shame of Noah, the running away of Jonah, the unfaithfulness of David, the cruelty of Saul, the accusations of Job, the deceit of Jacob, the murder and doubt of even Moses... all of these men had mountains to overcome. And yet... floods did not drown them, depths of ocean did not crush them, water flowed from rocks, feet walked on dry land, and the son of God was born on a quiet night in a manger. Where they failed... they eventually becoming willing.
Kellie and I prayed that we could be willing. Open to the plan of God. Able to shake in our boots as we took steps in the face of fear. Even if we lost all that we had... and even our lives, we understand that this is nothing in comparison to walking a day in the faith of God. Followers of Christ are compelled to hear his voice... and then the measure of success is shifted.
I stared at that volcano that had overlooked this little plot of land long before Fontaine and Paula flourished signatures on the contract. I thought of how it holds the capacity to destroy the entire city, and yet the people build. Life for us is not about the fear... it is about embracing the beauty.
We are a promised people. We walk towards the mountains with faith that we can either stand on top of them, or God can remove them. Either way, we simply go with God.
I can tell you this... while I do not see where every footstep will fall, I can see clearly the place where I am compelled to be. And the destination is not the goal... it is merely the direction I move. This journey along the way is incredible. What was once impatience has turned to total amazement and wonder of what we experience along the way.
Many mountains stand before us. And we have laced up our boots.
A call will soon rock our world.
Listen... it soon comes.
|G i d d y a p|
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