Friday, May 31, 2013

A Letter to Kellie (the mind of a missionary a week before the field)

To my dear wife... and anyone who takes a moment to peer into our life. 

There is no fear in my heart in this moment. We are a mere days away from our big move to Guatemala and all I feel is peace. I have to laugh in my heart because everywhere I look people are tossing terror my way in the form of the unknown.

But I have learned who I am over these past years and I understand that what we have gained cannot be lost. You and I have learned how to deeply love one another. We have learned what it means to reach together toward an unbelievable, unreachable goal... and then to hold it in our hands.

Our daughters... and now this dream of throwing everything we are onto the great stake of showing that our faith is worth our everything. I think you are uniquely made for me. I know we have been uniquely shaped for this purpose, this moment, this mission, with these people, in this country, now.

I love you because you are brave. You know the risks as well as I do. These risks that are real and make our family tremble and react in their individual ways. 

People say to me... what if something happens? And I think... they don't know the half of it. The risk is so real. And yet... my eyes and yours have a glimpse of a greater truth. Our words must mean something!

This faith is more valuable than our lives. It is worth more than our children's lives. God awaits us all with open arms. This time here on this earth is just a slip of time. How we spend our days is just the brief prologue that sets the novel.

The truth is that I am willing to give my life. I am willing even to see the life of our entire family snuffed short if it is the required payment that we encounter God. Why do we as a people fear death when we say that God holds eternity?

Should any of us fall in the service of God, HE will pick up our brokenness and carry us into His kingdom. So... tell me, why should I fear? Did Jesus not conquer death? Does He not hold the keys? It is refreshing for me to cast myself into the power of the experience of my God as He walked this dirt in human form.

I am done with the fear of man. I am over fearing sickness and death. I am filled with a fervor to seize this inheritance that is promised us. I have taken the time to consider these things. I have glimpsed what my life would look like without you, without God... and I would rather spend a few days in His service than live a lifetime without.

I believe now that God has given me a boldness. He has prepared me for this moment, and He has placed us together for this mission. This world is no longer my home. 

My work is now rewarded by smiles, tears, and embraces in the dust of a hard-working village. The applause I seek is the sound of the feet of children as they run toward us on our arrival. We are servants of the King... should He bless us or should He slay us... it changes nothing that matters.

Our families put on a brave face and yet I recognize their pain and I understand it. But... I hope they do not miss the power of the truth we pursue. A few years ago... our marriage was nearly forfeit. I yielded my life to God and each day now is an affirmation that He walks with us. 

I recognize where we are and I am keenly aware that God has brought us here from the brink of destruction. Our lives are already His. Our children are ours because He blessed us. Our experiences are His gift. Even the pain that we walked together... it has purified our hearts.

It is with pure joy that I watch these next few days tick by. God has brought you and I together my wife for this moment.

I step into the future with one hand in yours, and the other in the hand of God.

Indeed, we have reached beyond ourselves and found our hands in the embrace of our God.

It is well with my soul. Finally.

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