Monday, October 10, 2011

Sterling Mei: (4) Breaths Under the Ocean

This razor edge proximity is squeezing the breath out of me. So hard to stay focused. Sixty-two months is an eternity pressed into the weave of my days.We are not the people we were when we began. I have gained wisdom and Ihave accumulated mistakes.

Some goals are worth pursuing even in the face of incredible odds. We find beauty in the gaze of each other's eyes. We have found the promise that is each other. This promise that we made some 16 years ago while I shook in my shiny shoes.

I have a companion who walks beside me. She has held my hand through my few good moments, and also has clung with abandon through my wrestling with God. 

She has shown me truth and belief. I have never seen such strength of conviction, and I have never felt so much love. We have walked this path together... and we have found that what we have at the end of the day...

is about two simple things:
  1. Are we walking towards God?
  2. Do we hold each other's hand?

And now we course through the tide of the days as we wait on this beginning of a new dawning. We are talking to our children now of the practicalities of having an infant again in our home. And we look beyond this miracle as we feel another equally strong pull towards the realities that forever changed our chart by their collision with our belief.

Somewhere in China today, our daughter is a tiny face among billions. Her cries-- no matter how loud, can not be answered by our swift footsteps down the hallway. A simple phone call is a vast canyon that perpetuates the distance.

The prayers of  Caleb and Aleksandra echo the yearning of this family to welcome home our daughter. Each day at dinner I feel the air catch in my throat as they pray for their "baby sister in China to come home soon." We continue to trust in the timing of God. We know that when we began this process she was not yet born. We have no doubt that this child is meant to be here. 

We do not attempt to understand the nature of God... we simply believe that all that we have is this love that we can share.

So we find that the answer is the same no matter what the tense. The difficulties of the past, the struggles of the present, and the anxieties of the future... they are all covered by our faith that God holds us in his hand... no matter what. We are not naive. We understand that struggle and pain will come. We realize that we can not be prepared for it when it knocks the stability from our feet. But still... we pray that we are able to keep our eyes on what matters, our God and each other.

Even so... at this time it is a struggle to maintain my focus on the needs of the days. My mind is reaching out to a near future and beyond. I long to begin taking next steps. And so I find myself having to frequently pause to allow the presence of the day to pour over my mind.

Each day is a gift. Every day has worth for us to cling to. Each day that we walk this path together is truly

...all that is left,
 ...and a time to love.

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